so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
