Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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