Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a burrito and a hug.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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