Umm I'm too high to move.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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