How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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