Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
