Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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