i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
