I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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