i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
