There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
