Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
