never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
