So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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