he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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