Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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