alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
