how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
areolas are like halos for boobs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
