gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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