I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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