is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
