Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
