dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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