she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize