just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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