everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The uberlube is also flammable
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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