Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
