ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found your dick twin last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
