I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
