I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
