you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
