whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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