I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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