How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
