forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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