My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We got so high we made milksteak
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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