The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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