I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
