I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
