i jhust puked up my retainher.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
