That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
