Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
