I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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