Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
