I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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