He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
