I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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