he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
