Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
