I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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