Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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