I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
