so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
