You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
