I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize