i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
