I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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