is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
