Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
