I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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