He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
