the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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