he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize