we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
