I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize