So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
