I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
